God, what am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING?
That is what hit me a few years ago.
Confession time: I was horrified at myself about four years ago. How could I possibly be doing this to my wonderful husband and sweet children?
What was I doing? I was undermining my husband and setting myself up to be the leader in our family. My husband had just rightly disciplined one of our children and that child looked at me to see if that truly was the discipline. In that moment, God smacked me upside the head and said NO!
You see, I have a very strong personality. I grew up in a home without a father. All I have ever known is a strong mother who made all the decisions. She did a wonderful job, but that is not how God designed a family. And here I was with a great husband who was doing what God had designed him to do and I had been undermining his authority and trying to take his position. I wasn’t letting him do what he is supposed to do. And it had been happening since the kids were little; it was a pattern in our lives that my children expected. Dad says one thing and mom changes it.
God showed me in that moment that I was Eve. I was bucking the perfect design He has for families. I was devaluing my husband and the job God has given him. With my actions, I was showing my children that their father was incompetent. I thought I knew what was best and I wanted the control. WHAT WAS I DOING?
God has designed men to be fathers – strong, decisive, physical, spiritual leaders. They are very different from us women, praise the Lord. Sometimes they are rougher than we are, harsher than we are and sometimes even, more fun than we are. They are also more responsible than we are. Our family’s spiritual life rests on their shoulders. At the bema seat, they will be judged on their spiritual leadership of their family.
God changed my heart that day. He showed me how I was not being a good wife or mother. I was not helping my husband to lead our family. I was not letting him do what God has for him. In my life, I can point to times I have nagged my husband into my way of thinking, in front of my children. How wrong I was to do that to him?!?!
Yes there are times when I do not always agree with him, but I strive to not ever discuss it with him in front of the children. Believe me, I have opinions and he knows them, but it is a discussion between us. And if the kids ask for something or need some training, i.e. discipline, I always say your father has the final say. That small phrase shows him that I respect him and his leadership. I submit to his leadership. It shows my children that dad is the boss. He is the one responsible for us all.
I pray for him continually as he leads our family. This is the most important thing I can do. I pray that God will grant him wisdom and strength as he leads us. I pray that God will help me to keep my mouth shut in the heat of the moment so my husband can do what God has for him. I thank God for the differences in us so that we can better train our children. I pray where I am weak, he is strong. I pray that I will encourage him in the work he is doing for our family. And mostly I pray that we will build our house on our Rock, Jesus Christ.
It is kind of funny. Once I stepped back and let go of control, God did amazing things in our family. Not only did God work in our small 5 person family, but He has been molding and changing our entire extended family. My family has been changed and our family legacy has been changed. I have been blessed so richly by being obedient.
I pray that you will take a moment to see if you are allowing your husband to be the husband and father God has designed him to be. Next time he’s a little rough with the kids in play or harsh in discussion, step back and let him do his job. Pray that God will guide him. I pray that you and your husband are building a wonderful family legacy that follows God’s perfect design.
By His grace,
Sarah GosvenorThanks, Sarah for sharing that personal lesson!
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